For my 4th quarter Gym assignment (yes we get Gym homework), I had to write about my "thoughts on the Physical Education program over the past 3 years of your high school experience." This is not what I wrote, but it should have been.
Dear Gym Class,
I know you just rolled your metaphorical eyes at me for addressing you as "Gym" rather than your less common and much more pompous title, "Physical Education" but honestly dude, get over yourself! You're indisputably the least important class in the curriculum which gives you no right to demand a longer name than any other course on my schedule! What a waste of Ink! You leave students all sweaty and smelly and since a substantial portion of the high school population does not know what hygiene is, we must all brave the narrow, malodorous hallways.
Look, it's nothing personal, you and I just don't get along and frankly, I don't think we ever will! Your mandatory attendance and unnecessary assignments that require sports knowledge I will never posses only makes me resent you that much more! Maybe you are just trying to help, make the student body healthier and more active but...well...you don't do that. At all. How much actual exercise does 40 minutes of softball give the student who stands in the outfield the whole time texting? Or the the one who is thinking up Haikus during Field Hockey? That last one is me by the way. I am not a rolling ball of fat, and I managed that without your lame attempts to combat obesity.
My thoughts on Physical Education? You want to hear what I learned from you? You taught me that getting picked last and getting assigned to a team by the teacher because your one of the remaining few who was not picked is practically the same thing, except in the latter scenario at least someone pointed to you and said your name. I now know that volleyballs gravitate toward my head like it's the most massive object in the room or something. It never is unless measured in Harry Potter trivia, in which case my head is almost always the heaviest. I learned that the only sport I can perform with some skill is Pickleball, a pretty goofy sounding sport to be good at. I learned that boys are way too into you. I'll see you next fall gym class, I won't be missing you one bit.
Much Love,
Jaime
Haha, this is so good! I hated gym class even though I didn't hate sports (I was a swimmer and trained 14-20 hours/week) But in gym class all we did was boring ball ports and I'm famous for my lack in coordination and handling of balls (that's what she said). Let's just say I was less than thrilled everytime I had to enter that gym!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this funny text! It made me smile!